(I said I wasn't going to edit this but I need to do some serious cleaning up of this and finish it eventually. Being that I had ADD that may or may not happen. Ah well.)
A dear friend sent me her journaling thoughts on the journey that she has been on since 2020, and this morning I thought it would be a good idea to do the same thing as a way of consolidating this journey as it has been life altering in every way. I am writing as I usually write, stream of consciousness without editing as I go and I will leave this unedited. I usually go back and clean it up a little. Shocking, I know. Anyways, I have to say that the 2020 journey began as I was touring Israel in 2007. I went at my mother's urging without any real desire to tour the "Holy Land". While I always had a deep love for the Jewish people, and the Jewish story, I didn't feel particularly drawn to the land. I felt the Lord lived in my life and trying to connect to a human Jesus walking the roads of Jerusalem left me cold and uninspired. I could not have been more wrong about what awaited me in that land. Granted, my father was fighting throat cancer and that probably added to the poignancy of the experience realizing how hard he was fighting to live, but that does not account for what I saw/heard from the Lord while I was there. I wasn't praying all that much or "pressing into" God, I was just enjoying the time away from work and the special time with my parents. I knew that it was a special time.
I still recall a vivid memory of sitting on the tour bus looking at the sights flying by and tears streaming down my face. Something about this place. One of the peak moments was when my orthodox Jewish tour guide asked if anyone wanted to read the beatitudes as we stood on Mt. is it beatitude? It was that morning glory hour, around 10:00am and we overlooked the sea of Galilee I believe it was. It could not have been more lovely. I found myself thrusting my hand into the air like Horshack (spellling Nazi's I don't care if it's misspelled! It's about the point! Lol.) on Welcome Back Kotter and exclaiming, "I will!" I was not feeling emotional at all whatsoever, so I was the most surprised to feel the catch in my throat as I began reading the words from the Bible that he handed me, opened to the passage, "Blessed are the poor in spirit." I was done. All that came out was choked sobs from deep inside my heart and I handed him the good book and bolted away from the crowd to sob in private although I don't think it was too private. It was just too real, the beauty and heartbreak of it all.
At some point, as we toured the land, I began to see some things as the Lord opened my understanding. I don't want to get too specific because it's just too much work for 7:46a.m and only one cup of coffee into the morning, but here is the brief version.
The Israel Word from the Lord: I Am Coming!
I initially saw how Israel tracked the church, or visa versa (the church being what happens when people believe in the Messiah). We have been growing from that small branch, Jesus the branch, for 2000 years. I saw how the temple was destroyed after the temple (Jesus's body) was destroyed. I saw how the church kind of was plunged into dark ages after a while and then seemed to burst out in world revivals around the same time that the Jews began returning to Israel at the turn of the 20th century. I saw how major revivals broke out around 1948 when the UN declared Israel a nation (and tried to make it two nations for the Muslims but they attacked Israel on the very first night of the new Jewish...and Muslim state and it's been war ever since.) The Holy Spirit moved across the globe around 1967, the same year that Israel finally won back Jerusalem. Then the Lord said this (grain of salt as always since it's not scripture but I have no doubts what I heard): Wait, before I say what he said, I have to share the verses that came illuminated to my mind and then were woven together. I will say that almost two decades later, I have heard others quote the exact same verses with the exact same conclusion. In fact, a fairly popular movie was made with many more verses expressing this same truth called, Messiah 2030. When I saw it I was like yes! Yes! Wow, it makes it so much more real when we have another witness.
Hosea 6: 2-3
"Come, and let us return unto the LORD: for he hath torn, and he will heal us; he hath smitten, and he will bind us up. After two days will he revive us; in the third day he will raise us up, and we shall live in his sight. Then shall we know, if we follow on to know the LORD; his going forth is prepared as the morning; and he shall come unto us as the rain, as the latter and former rain unto the earth."
Even as I write it here I see more that I have learned in my studies this week! I am going to get to that and it's very exciting and very now. So this verse came to my heart. "After TWO days he will revive us." (sidetrack up ahead!!!!.....Here: Then this verse sprang to mind in that chapter that should be famous but isn't because the church has been scared away from last days prophesies. Of course it is because Satan doesn't want us to understand the Lord's prophesies for He does all according to prophesy. God gets glory, he says all through the Old Testament, by foretelling what He will do. This is a major theme, but we have been made to feel like weirdos and freaks (due to end time cults and nutjobs) so we say, rather cooly, "Oh, I don't need to know about all of that. I just want to be close to the Lord." I used to say that too. I did! But this is what the Lord wants his people to know and understand so when it happens we will say, "Yes, this is according to scripture. And God will do all that He said." There are many other reasons why I believe understanding second advent prophesies is crucial, and we have been ROBBED. Satan always makes very good sense, and sounds oh so devoted to God in his whispered deceptions.)
But I digress, as always. 1 Peter 3 where Peter talks about the last days mockers and scoffers will mock and scoff because of what seems to be a long delay. Then he writes:
"But beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness;...." 1 Peter 3:8
This verse helped me understand the verse in Hosea, on the second day I will revive you. Israel was revived in 1948. That would be in the midst off the second 1,000 years since Messiah came, and was rejected according to God's divine and most glorious plan. (Romans 11. Do read it slowly and prayerfully and over and over. It's awesome!) So, in the third day you will live in my presence is this next 1,000 years, or the "third day."
Then, I got this verse (all of this came in a flash by the way not in piecemeal as is often the case with me.)
In this passage, Jesus was talking about fasting in the day that the Bridegroom is taken from them.
"No man also seweth a piece of new cloth on an old garment; else the new piece that filled it up taketh away from the old, and the rent is made worse. And no man putteth new wine into old bottles; else the new wine doth burst the bottles, and the wine is spilled, and the bottles will be marred; but new wine must be put into new bottles." St. Mark 2:21-22
Oh my gosh Lord! This is just rocking me to go back to these verses as the reality of these truths hits me as never before. I don't think we get it. I don't think I get it. I know I don't get it! He is remaking a new creation. That's major. What came to me in 2007 was something like this but don't quote me exactly.
This is the idea: "It has been 2,000 years since I came and I have been creating new wineskins during that time. You are now going into the morning of the 3rd day. The 3rd temple is not a building, it is Jew and Gentiles coming together and My Return."
Wow! It's hitting me hard right now because just this past month as I am studying the Feast of Tabernacles from a dream I had, with a powerful confirmation, it's all making more sense. Jesus! Yes, His words will all come to pass. The beloved prophesies that He gave His beloved prophets every jot and tittle will be fulfilled just as He said and this is a part of His glory in the earth, to tell what will come. The Lord constantly says this in the OT scriptures! It's His glory to say, "This will be." Jesus always pointed to how his first coming events fulfilled scripture and it is the same with the crowning jewel and joy of His second coming to collect his bride. Wow. Man is as grass and his pride and glory will fade, but the word of the Lord endures forever and ever. Amen! Alelujah all men will see your glory Lord.
So that was my nutshell version and we aren't even out of 2007.
I want to add that this word about the church and Israel tracking through time was first confirmed by the ministry of Mahesh Chavda, so it's not totally unorthodox. I don't track with Mahesh now that he turned another direction, but several years ago I was stunned to hear them draw the same parallels that the Lord showed me while I was in Israel minding my own business.
2015-The Last Trump, Get It? Word
Life went on as usual and I tucked that word away as an, "Oh cool Lord. That's pretty cool." Oh, and the last part of the word was that we can still look to Israel to understand what is happening in the church. When I say church, I am meaning all those who Jesus is saving. The Lord's saved people, Jew and Gentile. I do not mean non-Jews clutching their bibles and going to Sunday school and refraining from drinking and playing cards. No, rather, the glorious spiritual church of those born from above because of His great mercy and sacrifice who have the downpayment, Paul said, of the Holy Spirit and who await the resurrection from the dead and a total freedom from corruption in these dead bodies! (1Cor 15). I am speaking of the Lord's precious people.
He said that what is happening to the church worldwide is what is happening to Israel-or visa versa. Israel has been fighting a seven front war for their land; so too, the spiritual church is surrounded by enemies of every side fighting to fully take our promised land in Christ, oneness with the Lord that he died to give us; Christ in me, the hope of glory that will be fully realized at his appearing when He comes to save Israel from total annihilation. I keep jumping ahead here because this is the glorious truth that is unfolding these last few months. I have prayed that the Lord would give me a vision of what is to come, as I had none. I mean nothing. And as always, seek and ye shall find.
I will be more brief, I promise. Long story short, in 2015 I was on a long fast and desperately praying for understanding of the four blood moons as they seemed very significant to me. I won't get into that but it's powerful. Praying on my balcony looking up into the fourth blood moon on the feast of tabernacles mulling it all over in my head...so Israel is soon to turn 70. That number has prophetic significance. A man by the name of TRUMP may become the leader of the freeworld. Hm. That word, trump, has prophetic significance as in the "last trump" and Christ/s return/rapture whatever the case may be. Then I heard this: "The last trump, get it? Pay attention!" What!? I ran into my apartment and googled "last trump donald trump president" thinking someone has to have noticed this. Someone has to be talking about it!
Then I had a fall of my chair moment. I had many of those in the coming years. I was absolutely stunned to read that if Trump were to become president, he would be exactly 70 yrs, 7 months, and 7 days old on his first full day in office....the day after the inauguration. What!? Fast forward to a few years later when I shared, rather sheepishly, that I was getting some weird communications from the Lord that I would have seriously considered very crazy at one time and this church leader astutely said, "If the Lord speaks to you, ask him if there is anything more that he wants to say." So I did, and He did. Immediately. His response: (grain of salt as always!) Where do you see the actual number, 777, in the Bible (because I was thinking of the triple 7's about Trump.) It's not mathmatically the same, but it's three 7 numbers in a row. It is the age that Lamech died. Lamech was Noah's father. Noah means "rest". God brought rest by wiping out the wicked and saving the righteous in a type of the cross of course (wooden arc and lots of Christ in that whole story). As I mused on this, I felt that the Lord was saying this: "Trump will usher in the days of Noah." Noah brought rest. Jesus spoke of his coming as being like those days!
I don't want to and cannot relate every word, teaching and dream but I just want to try to wrap up with the progression of the perspective that I have gone through as 2020 hit, and beyond to this day.
2020
In the few years before 2020, I went through some fires and the Lord began speaking to me about judgments coming that he didn't want to bring to the US out of Ezekiel 14-16. Seasons of deep repentance for those hard to detect deep heart idols began in my life. I began confessing before the Lord and crying out for cleansing as only He can do, and He did. Praise the God who saves me from me! Oh praise God for that cleansing flood. When 2020 hit, from the first lockdown, I went into a kind of shock knowing a great evil had overtaken the whole globe. It just wasn't' normal. It didn't make sense to have all nations lock down. I began to hear to "divest from this world...it's coming under judgment." I began to let go of some of my normal attachments to the idea of this life that is more real than the spiritual world. It was very freeing to feel so detached from the material world, not the things that matter, but the love of this world that drives the world every single day. The love that had gotten more into my bones than I care to admit.
The Daniel Fast: Prophesies Unlocked
I ran where I always run in crisis and trouble, to God and His word. That is a grace He has given me and I am so, so, so thankful for it or I would be dead in more ways than one. I very easily embarked on a fast until he spoke. It's easy to fast in times of desperation. I said Lord, you gotta speak to me. I must understand this is so horrific! The globe is under the grip of some dark, evil power as never before. The nations are going into global house arrest over a virus that kills .05% of it's victims and that just doesn't make sense. Locking people down, even if it was more deadly, did not make sense. We have to risk. We have to keep tilling our fields. You don't do it that way. Anyways, that first morning, literally on my knees with the word, I flipped open to Daniel. It hit me that Daniel didn't set out to fast for three weeks but he fasted until the word came, and I was to do the same, and I did, because God was doing it in me. And it all started to make sense. I had never studied Daniel, but now it was singing to me like a sweet canary in a cage. Lol. Whatever, but that is kind of an apt analogy don't you think?
Gosh Lord. So much here that you unfolded to me. Dreams as well. Let me sum it up. Those stories have a lot of secrets about our times, and how to overcome. The image, not bowing, Daniel's heart and attitude, Belshazzar's feast and the writing on the wall....the wise understand it but the fools keep partying like it's 1999. Then the beasts and Revelation. There was a lot, and for the very first time it made sense. This was a fulfillment of the angel's word to Daniel that the scroll was sealed until the end of days and then it would be a major part of that time. Many people online said the exact same thing that I was experiencing in those early days..."for the first time it's all making sense." Since the time of the Jews was quickly approaching, we also saw an increase in seeing Christ all through the Old Testament as never before. Any believer who had the time and faith to pick up the word and read Psalms, minor and major prophets, all of it, began to see Christ in fresh ways. That's because the root is being restored I believe. It's all so glorious! The sad, tragic story of God's wayward people is coming to a glorious conclusion as Paul exclaimed in Romans 11!
But this period of time was marked by dreams and words and signs of coming judgment and the setting up of the beast program, system, whatever you want to call it. One of the dreams was that an image was being set up and the world leaders was dedicating it as see in Daniel 3. I dream of Paula White and heard "This is Jezebel" from Revelation who lead God's people into idolatry, and in His mercy he gives she and her followers time to repent and threatens to cast them on a bed of suffering if they don't. Oh, and many things began leaping out at me as I studied the prophesies regarding DJT...they came in slowly, one at at time, line by line until a fairly certain conviction grew in my heart. Each moment was absolute teaching from the Lord as I was alone reading the word-and at that time, I had not been exposed to any other voices seeing or hearing these things, which is wild. It's like my algorithym didn't allow those to come through to my youtube even though I would google "Trump as antichrist?" only one article from a liberal journalist came up in the feed and no videos! No, I haven't heard in absolute terms, but the pieces are all pointing to him like a weathervane points to the way the wind is blowing, so we shall see.
Prince of Grecia; Dreams/Prophesies Etc.
The prince of Grecia teachings were the most compelling for me (not getting into scripture details and specifics here), and the slow way He weaved in Apollyon, his Corona crown and obsession with the sun and gold (I speak of Apollo not Trump) and Alexander the Great from Daniel getting power to conquer from that fallen angel and then later, watching Trump turn bronze and start telling nations he will take this one and that one...then learning he LOVES Alexander....and then the golden statues all over his oval office, and then Apollo painted on his ceiling in Trump tower. (I was led to look into that one....he said, "look into Trump and Apollo" boy was I shocked!)
All of these things were shown to me one at a time, little by little! I can't unsee it friends! Shoot me. I don't know. All I can say it STAY OPEN TO TRUTH. Who are we serving anyways? What is our ultimate goal? Believers don't serve causes. We don't serve movements. We don't serve nations or countries or political parties and Lord forbid we don't serve any man, priest, pastor, mayor or president. We don't follow them. We don't look to them. We don't follow teachings. We don't follow methods. We follow the living Lord Christ and His now, living voice and teaching in our lives. That's how Christ lived, and it's our new covenant promise! To hear Him for ourselves and to follow Him by His grace and power.
I was being prepared for this time that was fast coming, a time of great testing, betrayal, and persecution. That was another major word, that persecution was coming like the Christians under Nero. I now realize this is the end-time persecution. He taught me out of Isaiah 4-along with a HUGE sign that led me to that verse- that our safe place was the fullness of the Holy Spirit as a tabernacle over us and in us. This would be the only safe place. All else will fail. He pointed me to Isaiah in a big way. It's major in these last days and recently heard Terry Bennet say just that. It's true. They are so rich right now and tell us exactly what is happening and most of all, God's heart in it all!
I saw that the pride of man was coming under judgment. Men feel so smart and in control, and God has allowed these Babylonian systems to have their time of glory, though they be as grass. The end is about God coming to judge man's pride and to bring it down to the ground so that it becomes like a whisper from the dust, a mere wisp of a ghost for God alone will be glorified for God alone is glorious! Men will see God's glory when He comes to judge.
I learned about how Israel constantly turned to other nations to help them, and God just wanted them, and us, the learn to trust Him and to look at to Him as a faithful God and Father. This is the end of days scenario, one last time, Israel looks to a man for a peace deal, as they often did, and they will get that peace deal....until this same man turns on them and attacks them with all the other nations and them we see Psalm 118 unfold. Jesus will save those last 1/3 who He brings through the fire that Paul mentioned in Romans 11 where he quotes Isaiah "A redeemer will come from Zion" it's that famous verse that speaks of the Lord raising a standard against the enemy and it's actually an end time verse when the remnant turn to Christ. That is why he said, "All Israel shall be saved" because it's the remaining 1/3 left after Israel is ravaged. But I am jumping ahead to what I am learning this past month. I didn't understand any of this back in '23. I really want to get to this because it's the word of the Lord, and it's our joy, and it's the coming glory though there will be shakings as well. The Jewish people are coming into that day in which the blinders will be removed, and when Christ will stand on the Mt. of Olives (Zach 14). It is glorious, and it is our hope!
In sum, from this first season after 2020, I now believed that the world was being set up for the Antichrist. There were many signs and dreams that pointed to this for me. I was to prepare for this, and warn others for what's coming quickly. The trauma of such a major shift in consciousness about the world in which we live made it hard for me to function normally. It hard to explain this. The first six months to a year I felt I was inwardly kind of vibrating like a fork with the trauma of the sudden shift in world view from a normal seeking and loving the Lord and some day I will go to heaven but it seems like Jesus may really come back one day to well, it's over. The world as we knew it is over, and I suppose I had to grieve it for awhile. I had to let it go. I had to make the adjustment and it was hard for me to get my water wings, my this is the now the last days head skrewed on staight because I hadn't given much serious thought or study to any of it, so it was more traumatizing then I suppose it would be if I had seen it coming more. Perhaps not. I just remember that for at least the first year and a half, I didn't feel that I functioned normally. The only thing that made sense to me was my time in the word which was most all day, at least the first half of the day. That world made total sense. That world was a comfort. That world gave me hope, because the world that we had lived in was not the same world and it offered no hope; not at all. It was going to the dogs and held nothing for me.
I guess it was like a rocket separating from that first part. I was shedding. I was shedding the way things were. I was shedding a sense of reality that is called this current world and adapting to a new reality and it took me some time. It took time. Really, it was hard that first 1.5 years because I do remember saying at around that time that I was beginning to function better in a new normal, and deep peace was descending along with more joy than before because now, it was just about His kingdom, how it should have always been. The love of this world is so subtle, and I am sure there is more there even now that He will soon reveal-probably in the shakings. That's how he always reveals it to me. During this time, I also saw the awfulness of the sin nature in a new light, and the contrast with God's nature, and I longed more than ever to be free of that serpent nature that we all were born with, not the obvious sins of the flesh such as immorality, but the much more dangerous and subtle sins of the self-life...those sins that without knowing it placing our desires before others, that nature that is so unlike God. I hated it, and I am so happy that He can, is, and will set me totally free from it one day soon. Cianara? I dunno. Whatever. You get the point.
Peering Into the Darkness
LIke many others, I was sucked into doomsday porn. What's that you might ask? Oh precious soul you are to not know. So blessed. It's all the bad news...the truth about the vaccines, where they came from, who made them, who are some of the dark players behind it all, some Qanon but the Lord quickly warned me against that conspiracy that has some truth mixed in with a ton of lies. Much of the dark stuff comes from that dark hole with its satanic voice prophesying into the world wide web. Oh, hear the word of the Lord in the secret place, for Christ warned us that MEN will deceive, but His Spirit never leads us astray. The answers are ALL in His word, those despised end-time prophesies are despised at Satan's urging so that there would be a vast vacuum of believers thinking they are being devoted to the Lord while dismissing all that he had to say. We have been devoted to Him, but we can no longer dismiss His prophesies and His warnings! Are you offended? Too bad. Toughen up! It's going to get much worse as time goes along because Jesus warned us it would.
Headlines about what's happening should not be ignored, but constant focus and spending time hearing every detail and learning all about it is listening to the voice of Satan himself. He LOVES it.
Finally the Lord said stop it. Look up. You are listening to Satan's prophesies, his wicked, proud plans. If you listen long enough to the conspiracy then you will fall when it comes time to stand for the truth, and to wait on the My salvation in this hour. Study My story, He said. Study what I have foretold is coming! Fill your heart and mind with My word about all that shall happen, for what you see with your eyes, and what you hear with your ears will be in direct contradiction to My word and the truth.
That last part of the word was spoken to me in the midst of a health crisis that thrust me into a sort of emotional meltdown. In the midst of a very scary place, God broke in and began to speak to me about what was coming and he said that word about not trusting what I see, only His word.
So I shifted my attention. I pulled away from the darkness as exciting as it was. That was around the start of 2023, so I was in it for a while.
Separating Light from Dark: He is excited
Then I began to focus on what He was saying about what is coming, and about what is currently happening. Seeing that both light and dark are maturing in the earth, and a separation is happening, and felt His excitement about coming to have his mature bride. I began thinking on the harvest, and began hearing more about the STRONG wine that has been saved for last, and about His coming glory, and more than anything, I want to flow in that river with Him and shine that light in this present darkness.
That said, I don't feel overflowing with His Spirit and love. I still don't feel much at all, except for joy and peace but there remains a numbness in my heart that I believe is changing, but not fast enough for my taste. I still don't really know if that lack of feeling pain and grief and sorrow and all the tenderness of those emotions is connected to the losses I experienced in my life this last decade, or sins of my heart like pride or fear of man that I entered into for the first time in my life...and he has cleansed me from....or some weird curse! I don't know, and I am at peace realizing that He knows. Sometimes sense has to be removed so we can lean on pure faith, and as someone that has had intense emotions and experiences, and someone once observed that I seemed to have an unusual gift to feel grief and pain....it may have become a sort of idol or crutch. Now my tears don't fall very often, for myself or others. I don't like it. Tears are a gift. I don't want a heart that can't be touched by pain. As my pastor has been preaching, thankfully, lamant is a doorway into His presence, and I have found it to be so. Most often, I have found my Jesus in lament more than the mountaintop. In fact, the mountaintop comes from the lament, now that I think about it. But Lord.....please don't hear that as a prayer! Please.
MAJOR SHIFT; Look Up!!! Look Up!!!
Well, that leads me to the major shift that happened as 2024 became 2025. That's when I took down my youtube channel after much prayer and repeated confirmations. The shift felt like the kind of shift we make from prepare the storm is coming to the storm is bearing down. At least when it comes to my warning voice, it's over. I can't say I am not happy about that fact. I do hope I heard right, and my heart is to please Him no matter the cost, and that was what I heard. No more videos. And really, signs and warning stopped and now I am getting the good stuff! But ever since Trump ascended to his second term, I felt a speeding up of time and kind of like an emergency, with great peace, to be ready. It's almost like tribulation is fast coming. It is time. The time has come. More than ever, because of this emergency, I looked away from everything but him. The verse about looking up when all of these things begins to happen took on new life. I kept getting it in my spirit: when you see these things (mentioned in Matt 24 begin to happen) LOOK UP for your redemption draweth nigh.
It began to dawn on me that one must look up above the fray. One must begin to expect that our redemption is coming from those clouds. As things progress this blessed hope will become more and more of our foundation. It will ground us on the rock to do what Jesus said, ENDURE UNTIL THE END. I got scriptures like gird your minds for action, and set your hope fully on the grace to be given to you (i.e. full redemption) to be revealed at his appearing. 1 Peter 1:13
Psalm 118 Dream: The Feast of Tabernacles is Coming!
I am studying this now, but it all started with a dream on January 18, 2025. Like many things the Lord says, it is speaking more as time goes on, and as I go back and say, "Is there anything else Lord?" That's the weird thing too...despite the lack of emotion the word is more alive than ever, but it has been very alive for many decades...it's just at another level. I find Him in the word as the Spirit illuminates, and nothing is better. It gives light to the eyes and is sweeter than honey, better than wine. Yes, it is very, very good.
Well, in the dream a woman was playing a piano when she kind of looked back at me over her right shoulder, and as she was playing with her hands on the keys, she smiled and with joy exclaimed, "the feast of tabernacles is coming! Open you mouth wide for the feast!" I shared it with a friend the next day or so after and she asked me the date that I had the dream on. When I said the 18th of January, she said, "Psalm 118" so we read it together. Now, I had a vague understanding of this feast, but I had no idea all that it entailed, and how it pointed to the time for the Jews to have their eyes opened.
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